"Today I didn't do much of anything. Liz and I went out to lunch and dad and mom took us out to dinner. It was fun."
Dear Jennifer,
What is it about Wednesdays? I find myself in a slump and completely exhausted. Hit bed by 8 pm and I was out. Yesterday was great, but I am glad it is Thursday.
Yesterday, I was having an off day. You know, those low swings in your week? Even though I continue to work on not caring what others think, it is more of a difficult task than you realize. I constantly question myself and wonder how I can get better, how I can reach my students, how can I motivate them? It sits with me and it isn't fair to my own children at home.
I have come across many who tell me I'm blessed for having summers off. I haven't had a summer off that I can think of. Last year, it was practicing for a test that apparently questions my masters degree, to prove that I'm a highly qualified teacher, that apparently a crappy company comes up with that is mandated by the state which is full of politicians who don't have an education degree. The year before it was helping tutor students, and the year before that I taught summer school. I have a few more summers I can' t think of but it tends to deal with going to school to better myself or students. My children have asked when we are going to have those "teacher" summers that people hear about so we can travel. I just laugh and they do too. My daughter actually started writing me a paper about how I need to learn to work my contract hours because it interferes with their time. I was only at work until 1 am that night. My husbands farewell statement to me when school starts is, "See you in 10 months!".
I want you to understand I have mad respect for my students. I love them as if they are my own children. I want to see them succeed, I want to see them be the best at whatever they choose in life. There are days I break down and cry (told you I was a crier) because I can't figure out how to help them. I remember my second school I student taught at. The kids would come to school with barely anything, not even clean clothes. On our limited student teacher budget, my husband and I went out and bought these kids clean shirts to stash in the classroom and send them home to their parents. My master teacher, I know she did a lot more, mostly she inspired those kids. She didn't just inspire by bringing clothes, she inspired by education. Those kids scored high on their tests, they felt safe. That was 7 years ago. I want my students to do well, and feel safe.
Days like yesterday make me question my teaching. Then, it's as if the universe knows I need to hear it. Yesterday, my student waited till the room cleared and I was meeting with one other student. She walked up to me as I finished explaining to another student how to find the Y-intercept when all you have is the slope and the X, Y (Not really relevant to you, more for me so I can remember to go back and teach this today for solid understanding).
While the other student wrote down what I told him, the other looked at me and said, "I appreciate you." I was shocked for a minute, mostly because it was the first time (New thing!) an 8th grader has said this to me.
I just said, "Thank you, I appreciate you too!" She stopped me and continued about how I helped her out and that she wanted me to know I was appreciated.
I didn't cry. I told her thank you, you are going to make me cry! I still didn't cry. She walked out and I smiled the rest of the day.
I'm crying now. It meant the world to me. That kiddo doesn't know how much I needed to hear that.
The world moved on and so did I. By lunch, I had more kids come ask me quick questions on how to solve 2 way frequency tables. (I sit down at lunch and help students with their math, I love it. I really do love helping people with math. What other time do you feel successful than when you get that collective, "OH MY GOSH I GET IT!" Math does it.)
When I reached my desk upstairs, sitting there, in front of my keyboard. Was a type of noodles I've never seen before, and chicken with a lemon wedge. I looked at it for a minute and took a bite. (Yeah I like food) It was SOOO good. My colleague had been so kind as to bring me lunch. He told me it was a Filipino noodle called Pancit (New Thing!) and I had to pour lemon on it. WOW! It was yummy. (Since I do like food, I am on weight watchers.. I think I'll be a life time member without actually hitting life time :D)
So far, everyday has brought some surprise. I think it is more eye opening because now I'm looking for it. I'm looking for new things I do daily. It has been a blessing and an eye opening journey just 4 days in. I wake up in the morning and don't always want to write, but wow, it has impacted me. It brings back a flood of joy, even if the day wasn't so joyful. I have your diaries right next to my computer so I can do a quick glance to find something inspiring. I always do.
Until tomorrow's journey.. make your day a great one!
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