Day 18 - New thing?

Dear Jenny,

I am out to try all these new things, and for the life of me I can't remember what I tried yesterday.  I tried a new technique in tutoring that worked beautifully, but I wanted them to be a little more specific.

Today, I was going to take the day off,  today, I can't.  Christian has his play and he asked me if we could wait on taking our day off to celebrate you.  18 years - 11/30 you have been gone.  You are brought up in the house, it's like you are here.

Today, I just don't feel like writing..

Thank you for being my guiding light.

Until tomorrow.

Day 17 - Whole Brain Teaching

Dear Jenny,

I am not going to lie, I was nervous going back to work.  I looked in my classroom and saw the piles of papers that were on my desk, my mouse and markers barely to be found.  I barely recognized my classroom, as I have had the students pain the walls in a multitude of colors and themes.  It brought me great happiness.

My new thing I tried today was called Whole Brain Teaching. My original degree is in Psychology, specifically Child Psych, as I took the class 3 times to make sure I fully understood Piaget and his theory. (Or I might have failed the class a couple times due to the fact that I refused to do my homework.... but that is a different story.) My mother had given me a book last year called "Brain Rules" he is a Molecular Biologist, and I am a geek and love this stuff.

I hated school, I thought it was boring, and a waste of my time.  Hence, why I wanted to be a teacher!  So when someone tells me something that is interesting, I have to try it.  Well I live a lot by Brain Rules, and how long I speak, I time it... and how often to change something up...

So my Instructional coach approached me and asked if I knew about whole brain teaching.  I have learned a lot about it, and said I knew some.  I started researching, watching youtube videos... and voila tried it with my 5th period class.

"This teacher is crazy!"  - A kid turned to his partner and said laughing. 

However, when I asked them what a theorem, a proof, and who Pythagoras was.... they could tell me perfectly!

So this new thing worked out well yesterday... now on to today..

Until tomorrow...

Day 16 - Being Accountable

Dear Jenny,

So I learned a few things over this weekend.  One, this is the most I've ever posted daily on a blog site. (New thing!) and two I need to work on being accountable, especially when it comes to myself.

Started yesterday morning off with a cup of mocha and watched Christmas movies.  I truly love Christmas movies.  Why is this a big deal? I never sit down for a long period of time, my brain is always moving and I feel that I always have to be doing something.  I find a lot of women are this way, especially mothers, working or staying at home. 

On my weight watchers app, I found this connect thing. See I've  been doing weight watchers for 5 months now, I don't remember seeing that.  I hit the button and WOW! A whole new social media, only for the most part it is very positive! People trying to encourage each other (new thing!)  I am blown away at the people that have lost so much weight and they continue to work hard, they have pictures, they have quotes. But 90 percent of it is POSITIVE.

So, my daughter, son and I went to work on making weight watcher food.  First thing, made 2 point biscotti. SO good.  Then my daughter made broccoli and cheese soup, and it was really tasty itself!  Making weight watcher food that tastes good! That is definitely a bonus. 

I also found google plus for my iphone so I can download pictures easier to bring pictures to my blog, as my usb doesn't work to my computer anymore to sync them. 

Today is the first day back to work after a wonderfully long vacation,

until next time....

Day 15 - The Hike...

March 6, Year Unknown

"Dear Diary,

I am listening to Prince... Nothing much is going on.."

Dear Jenny,

I remember when I accidentally broke your Prince album. Purple Rain had been one of your favorites, and I shoved it into our drawer and broke it in half.  You were sooooo angry, I felt so bad, mom or dad went with me to buy you another one. I actually still have that album, that and your Dirty Dancing.

Today we went on a different hike (new thing!) We found our old trail, and then went on another trail towards a hidden waterfall.  There wasn't a waterfall this time of year, but the hidden trek down to it was amazing.  The rocks were different and multicolored, it reminded me of going into a cave, though it was pretty open.  I could feel the texture, it was a lot more porous than the smooth rocks above it.  Our friends promised to take us there in the spring, when there is more rainfall. I'm so mad I didn't take a  picture, but I just took the beauty in..

We then had a surprise party for my nephew, my sister in law had been planning it...It was a lot of fun to surprise the kiddo, I can't believe he is 17.  Where does the time go?

School starts back up tomorrow, I think I'm ready now... Though I have a lot of things to think about on whether I want to continue my path as a teacher, or go towards programming... a friend of ours showed me the money he makes, and I almost choked..  Compared to other jobs, teachers are grossly underpaid. 

Until Tomorrow...

Day 14 - Journaling and Such....

Dear Jennifer,

I could start with a diary entry today, but the truth is, this yesterday's journey is from a diary. It used to drive me crazy that you would stay up all night and write.  Now I realize how cathartic it was for you, and how much more so it is for me.  

My accountability partner and I have been struggling with being frustrated at work.  I feel she hit the nail on the head when she said "Maybe we need to better prepare."  I prepare all the time, but the truth is I don't feel I become a master at something.

I feel like a first year teacher all over again.  It drives me crazy and I can't stand it... So I started writing things down, I got myself an amazing journal and really started working in it.  I have found that I can long-term plan better.

I started using a journal and become more prepared (new thing!) I've never really used journals. I mean I have 20 around here somewhere, with one or two pages filled in, but haven't just used it.  I wanted to feel more organized and I do....

We also cleaned out mom and dad's house... They are getting ready for a garage sale next week and what I love about my mom is how prepared she always is.  It is amazing to me.  I wish I could be like her, especially in that aspect - she is a planner.  Maybe now my journal will help! :)

Until next time...

Day 13 - Thanksgiving

December 3, 1989

"Dear Diary,
I have the greatest mom and dad, they helped me with homework tonight!"

Dear Jenny,

Truthfully, your statement is correct. We have the greatest parents and I am so thankful for them.  That being said, yesterday we spent the day with my husband's family. My husband made a cute little tented area with seating outside.  He has half of his family that is vegan and vegetarian and the other half that eats meat.  I tried vegan pumpkin pie, (New thing!) It was pretty darn good!  The texture is weird to me though, so that is hard to get past sometimes. 

I did my daughter's hair in a french roll. (New Thing!)  Grandma used to do her hair like that all the time.  I wanted to try something new, so I made her sit down and do it.  I love doing her hair when she lets me.

I can't believe vacation is coming to an end, it seemed to go so fast this year.  3 more weeks until the next vacation - I'm looking forward to that!

I hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving. 

Until tomorrow... 

Day 12 ... Pecan Pie Anyone?

Dear Jennifer,

I noticed when flipping through all your diaries, you have no diary entries for Thanksgiving.  The truth is, that is the holiday I remember the least.  I don't know if that is because you left this universe the Monday after Thanksgiving (Hence, why mom, dad, and I celebrate Wednesday instead of Thursday.) It has been 18 years since we have had a Thanksgiving together. Get this, my daughter sticks the olives on all her fingers and eats them.  Typical you tradition.  Mom even stopped me last night and goes, "Who does that remind you of?"

Yesterday, my beautiful children and I decided on the endeavor of making a Pecan Pie.  I've never made a pecan pie before.  I walked by the store and saw all these pecan pies and for cheaper than what I was going to make it, but my lovely daughter pointed out this was a new thing for us to try. (New Thing!)

It smelled beautiful, it looked pretty.... it was...

runny on the inside! 

Still ate it.  Score!

It has been really interesting being off of Facebook.  I put pictures on Instagram so I can snag them really quick, but I don't scroll through.  I was talking to my accountability partner, and a friend of mine who seriously represents the 24 year old me.  My husband laughed when we were talking and I was "giving" advice. What advice would I give the 24 year old me?

Be happy. 
Worry Less (Still not doing that)
Weightloss  shouldn't rule your world
Be passionate about your work

I still struggle to follow a couple of those.  Weightloss (gained 1 pound after eating mom and dad's delicious food!) and Worry Less.  I am very passionate about my work and for the most part, I'm a pretty happy person!

Happy Thanksgiving too all...

Until tomorrow...

Day 11 - Coffee with a Friend

July 22, 1990

"We bought Super Mario bros. 3 today, and it was tons of fun to play!"

Dear Jennifer,

I said goodbye to facebook for awhile.  No one said anything, no it had nothing to do with the election, no I'm not mad at any of my friends. I realized I am one of those people who are constantly looking for the "Like".  I was upset about something and my mom goes, you're caring about what everyone thinks about you again.  So for the first time, I am off facebook. (New Thing!) I didn't realize how much of my time it consumed. I kept reaching for my phone and would quickly change to my email. I think I counted around 50 times I tried to go on, minimum.

I also went and helped my friend yesterday as she has two toddlers. I put my son in change of detailing her car and told him that he was the boss and needed to figure out what we should do to make the car up to his standards.  He then asked my friend for a quarter so she could pay him for his time. During that time, my daughter asked if she could help.  He said sure, and stood back, watched, and told her what to do.  Supervisor Status!  My dear friend gladly gave my son the quarter and told him he did a good job. Entrepreneur in the making.

I called my other friend for coffee that evening. My days off have been super busy, but I am happier because of it.  These two friends, my one with the toddlers and my one who I had coffee with are my soul sisters for sure.  Totally opposite, but both balance me beautifully.  They keep me equal, and I need that!  I realized that yesterday. (New thing!)  It is important to have our time with friends. The universe must feel that I need it as well, as later that evening I received a text from my friend and 7 habits accountability partner to go to a movie. I'm super excited.

So the sims my kids downloaded has taken an hour of my time. I don't allow anymore, just an hour.  My husband was excited to see me game, as I am normally thinking about work and how stressed I am and I have to read more math books and get more up to date knowledge on how to teach math. It is nice to take my stress out by playing a computer game.  What makes it better though, is when my kids are playing, they are laughing SOOOOO hard.  I guess a random bunny fell from the sky, my son lost it. He couldn't stop laughing for twenty minutes.  It is the best sound in the world.

Laughter is the best medicine, even if I'm not the one laughing, it is a wonderful sound.

Until Tomorrow...

Day 10 - Self Time

"Dear Diary,
It was nice not having any school today, but I didn't get much done." March 1st, 1989

Dear Jennifer,

Yesterday, I woke up. helped my husband with the dogs and headed over to mom and dads.  Dad golfs every Monday so he was off in his Big Red truck that my husband likes to call "Clifford".  It has caught on, the kids call it that now too.

My dad grumbles, "I didn't name my damn truck." (I love him!)

Lady B wearing her motorcycle
goggles. Aaaammazing. 

I was greeted by my parent's very bouncy, very cute, very lovable, Lady B.   She is a King Charles Spaniel and probably the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life.  She makes you happy even when you don't feel like being so.  I walked in and sat in the kitchen chair and lovely Lady B jumped in my lap and loves to lay her head on my face. It's hard to explain she is a weird dog, cute, but weird.

Mom and I went for a walk with Lady B (This is new!).  The fresh air was nice and I always love talking to my mom.  It is very comforting and she has to be the wisest woman I know. When we got home, she handed me two books

"Warrior Goddess Training"

"Warrior Goddess Training Companion Workbook" (New Thing! I'm starting it today!) 

I talked about one of my colleagues at work, how he is a man of great peace.  When you are around he and his girlfriend you just become very calm.  Just two of the most wonderful people. Have you ever met someone and you can't explain why they are so wonderful, but there is just something about them?  Yeah that's where I am at.  I like being around people like that, I like feeling peaceful. I hope I am like that for some people. I am pretty high strung.

After leaving my mother's I went and saw my beautiful best friend and her two kids.  I don't get to see her much as we both are super busy.  We talked politics, we talked religion, and we talked school.  What is great is that she and I don't have the same beliefs, politics, religions, (School we do though!) but we get along beautifully.  We respect each other and we respect that we want the best world out there for everyone around us, mostly our children.  In the end there is just love, right?  I love that I can tell her anything and never worry about being judged, which I shouldn't worry about anyway, but I do. She got to try something new, a hot caramel apple cider spice! I got a 20 dollar gift card for Starbucks from Ibotta (new thing, redeemed that puppy)

My daughter and son found all their town's names changed when they went on the computer. It was hilarious to watch my son just laugh.  He and my daughter have the best laugh.

There is no school this week, and I have tried to focus on not thinking about it at all yesterday, today, and Wednesday. Thursday and Friday is game on.

Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday.

Damn Arby's.

Until tomorrow...

Day 9 Battleship With Dinner?

March 24, 1989

"Dear Diary,
I went with the Spanish Club to Don Quixote restaurant, it was good, and a lot of fun!"

Dear Jennifer,

Yesterday was a day of many firsts for me.  My handsome son crawled into the car with me first thing in the morning.  When my kids were little and my husband was working two jobs, we would make a once a month outing to go get bagels.  Well, it's been quite a few years, so today we went and got bagels.  This time, my handsome husband was able to join us.(Revisited Old Thing!)  We brought them home and asked each other how our day was.  This is truly one of my favorite parts of the day, breakfast or dinner, especially when we can all sit down and talk.  It reminds me of our family dinners growing up.  One in specific where you were trying to teach me to count in Spanish. I just remember when you taught me the phrase "El Burro Sabe Mas Que tu" I thought it was so cool, until I found out you were comparing my intelligence to a donkey. :( (Then you backtracked and said that is how you remembered your vowels in spanish.)

After breakfast,  we looked at the wall in my kitchen.  My husband had built a bench but the dogs were jumping on it and barking at our neighbors.  He finally ripped it down and asked what I wanted there...

"A baking area!"

So off to Ikea, the land of no return without something you know you can't live without.... and voila! My handsome husband built me a baking station. (New Thing!)

While my daughter was busy cleaning out a shelf, she did find all my Sims stuff from when I beta tested Sims Online, as well as all my SIMS 2.  Needless to say, she spent the night and grandma's and she is going to have a whole different town she is moving in to. (Insert evil laugh)

After dropping the kids off, my husband and I decided to eat dinner at a bakery.  It is a Canadian bakery that served some amazing food.  That wasn't the charm of it, the charm of it was that my husband and I got in a heated battle of Battleship.  A little kiddo came over and started helping my husband after looking at my board, so I don't consider it a true win. ;)

Until tomorrow...

Day 8 - Baking and Such

Dear Jennifer,

I'm not starting this with a diary entry, as I do know it is in there. I wanted to start with a memory.  Do you remember the time when I was 10 and mom was at work.  I wanted so badly to make everyone chocolate chip cookies, but they cam out flat and tasted awful.  My childhood friend came over and he laughed while I cried because I couldn't figure out what happened.  So I called mom and started reading off the ingredients...

Chocolate chips? Check
Eggs? Check
Baking Soda? Check
Baking Powder? Check
Salt? Check
Brown Sugar? Check
White Sugar? Check
Flour....Flour....Flour?????

Uhm...... So I apparently had forgotten  a pretty major ingredient.  Wesley wanted to use them as frisbies, mom said I had to throw them away, I think we used one as a frisbie until it broke and threw the others away.

This is really sad to say, yesterday was the first time I have ever baked with my son.  My daughter was at her football game and he and I were sitting watching TV.

"Do you want to bake a pie?" I asked him.  He looked at me, see he is on this phineas and ferb kick...
"Yes mother, I do." (Yes, he does say mother, and yes he is that formal...)
"Let's do it!"  I got up and he sat there for a moment.
"I've never baked a pie, mother!"  (So far i'm doing a lot of these new things with my son which has been great.  I've sent dad out all these errands)
"No biggie, we will just follow the recipe!"

My handsome son opened up the drawer and grabbed a large spoon.  I handed him 29 oz can of pumpkin and told him to figure out 15 oz.  He sure did, he might not have been right on but he got it pretty close. I watched as he used his head to come up with different ideas, he spooned in his pumpkin, figured out how to get the right amount of spice and I got the egg whites.

What shocked me, is when we were done, I turned to wash the dishes. Guess what? my 8 year old son had washed the mixing bowl and mixer. He dried his hands high-fived me and said "Let's do this again sometime!" he returned to watching TV.

The pie wasn't bad. It was a weight watchers pie so it was less calories, but it really wasn't too bad.  I am so excited that I got to try something new with him.

The good news I received yesterday was that my donors choose project was funded. Someone donated 1000 to my cause and I am able to get a few graphing calculators and computers.

Until Tomorrow.... 

Day 7... I'm so sorry.

Poor Liz accidentally slammed Dustin's fingers in the door and Dustin was taken to the emergency room, Liz felt terrible and Dustin had a couple of bruised fingers. - July 16, 1989

Dear Jennifer,

My heart hurts.  A student of mine got hurt in the classroom yesterday.  I adore this kid, I adore all my students.  I can't fix it. I can't fix it and help him, I can't fix it and help his mom, I can't fix it and help his dad or siblings. I can't fix it.

I'm still crying over it this morning and worry about this kiddo.  I had so many ask me if I'm okay. So that made me feel even worse. Don't ask me.... his mom is the one who is taking care of him right now.

I don't really have a lot to say... I was going to be part of a Chili Cook-off as my first thing. I didn't even want to eat.

#1 won, I tried a bit of it and it was pretty good. I liked my colleagues (I don't remember what number his was) though, his was spicy. 

I received some good news this morning, but I am going to share that tomorrow.

Have a blessed day

Day 6, Uh... hmm...

"I can't believe it, it is finally over.  I have been dreading this AP History exam for months, and boy was it hard! The essays were a bitch.  The whole thing was very hard." -May 14, 1990

Dear Jennifer,

I am a little bit of a slower typist today... Being the amazing basketball player that I am, (hah!) I was showing off dribbling skills to my daughter.  As I was low and talking, not paying attention to the feel of the ball, the ball stopped but my left index finger did not.  I'm laughing as I feel the heat from my finger and the pudginess of the swelling.  My daughter took the ball from me after making sure I was okay, and then continued laughing at me.  This morning my finger looks a little rough. I wonder if I broke it.. If I did, it's the first time I broke (or sprained ) my left index finger! :D (New Thing!)

I failed in my OFs to G yesterday.  I cared all day what people said to me and what they wanted. My colleague was laughing at me (I should have been a clown, people laugh allll the time around me. I'm hoping it's because I'm that funny. I don't think that is really it.)  He was telling another one of my colleague's and friend that he has never met anyone as hard on themselves as I am.  That's true.  I laughed too - It's true I'm my own worst critic.  It is an awful place to be.  I'd rather just laugh things off, but I can't. My friend texted me a reminder to give OFs.  Love her.. she is my reminder and one of my stable rocks at work I can show my true self too. My job is super important to me and the test I gave my kids didn't go well. Partially because I did a typical new teacher thing and OVER taught something. (yes you can over teach a concept if they don't get the basic concept.) I seriously beat myself up for half the day. I then revamped the test for my next group of students.

New Thing - I did a summative (major) test as group work in math.  They went different parts of the room and were given 7 minutes to use strategies and talk math.  I saw more learning going on during that time then when they are smacking their head lightly on a desk repeatedly from an annoying paper pencils test. (Yes, kids do that, no it's not any different than when I went to school, that and the clicking of pens and pencils... don't get me started)  I hate paper pencil tests, just so you know.   Tell me a job where you work by yourself constantly and have no one to consult?    

The last part of the test was a reflection on how they feel math is going and what they learned about y=mx+b.  Man they were pulling out the vocabulary; coefficient, variables, x axis, y axis, slope, y-intercept. So proud!  Some wrote, thanks for making me feel smart when I didn't think I could do math (Which was the whole reason I became a math teacher). 

Today wasn't super positive, but it was a super negative day either.  I can handle just in between.  I'm glad it is Friday, I'm glad it is a half day, and I'm glad I get to spend the afternoon with my kids.

Until tomorrow 

Have a beautiful day!

Day 5 - I appreciate you

July 15, 1989

"Today I didn't do much of anything.  Liz and I went out to lunch and dad and mom took us out to dinner. It was fun." 

Dear Jennifer,

What is it about Wednesdays?  I find myself in a slump and completely exhausted. Hit bed by 8 pm and I was out. Yesterday was great, but I am glad it is Thursday.

Yesterday,  I was having an off day. You know, those low swings in your week?  Even though I continue to work on not caring what others think, it is more of a difficult task than you realize. I constantly question myself and wonder how I can get better, how I can reach my students, how can I motivate them?  It sits with me and it isn't fair to my own children at home.

 I have come across many who tell me I'm blessed for having summers off. I haven't had a summer off that I can think of.  Last year, it was practicing for a test that apparently questions my masters degree, to prove that I'm a highly qualified teacher, that apparently a crappy company comes up with that is mandated by the state which is full of politicians who don't have an education degree.  The year before it was helping tutor students, and the year before that I taught summer school. I have a few more summers I can' t think of but it tends to deal with going to school to better myself or students.  My children have asked when we are going to have those "teacher" summers that people hear about so we can travel. I just laugh and they do too.  My daughter actually started writing me a paper about how I need to learn to work my contract hours because it interferes with their time.  I was only at work until 1 am that night. My husbands farewell statement to me when school starts is, "See you in 10 months!".

I want you to understand I have mad respect for my students.  I love them as if they are my own children.  I want to see them succeed, I want to see them be the best at whatever they choose in life.  There are days I break down and cry (told you I was a crier) because I can't figure out how to help them.  I remember my second school I student taught at. The kids would come to school with barely anything, not even clean clothes. On our limited student teacher budget, my husband and I went out and bought these kids clean shirts to stash in the classroom and send them home to their parents.  My master teacher, I know she did a lot more, mostly she inspired those kids. She didn't just inspire by bringing clothes, she inspired by education.  Those kids scored high on their tests, they felt safe. That was 7 years ago. I want my students to do well, and feel safe.

Days like yesterday make me question my teaching. Then, it's as if the universe knows I need to hear it. Yesterday, my student waited till the room cleared and I was meeting with one other student.  She walked up to me as I finished explaining to another student how to find the Y-intercept when all you have is the slope and the X, Y (Not really relevant to you, more for me so I can remember to go back and teach this today for solid understanding). 

While the other student wrote down what I told him, the other looked at me and said, "I appreciate you." I was shocked for a minute, mostly because it was the first time (New thing!) an 8th grader has said this to me.

I just said, "Thank you, I appreciate you too!" She stopped me and continued about how I helped her out and that she wanted me to know I was appreciated.

I didn't cry. I told her thank you, you are going to make me cry! I still didn't cry.  She walked out and I smiled the rest of the day.

I'm crying now.  It meant the world to me. That kiddo doesn't know how much I needed to hear that.

The world moved on and so did I. By lunch, I had more kids come ask me quick questions on how to solve 2 way frequency tables.  (I  sit down at lunch and help students with their math, I love it. I really do love helping people with math. What other time do you feel successful than when you get that collective, "OH MY GOSH I GET IT!" Math does it.)

When I reached my desk upstairs, sitting there, in front of my keyboard. Was a type of noodles I've never seen before, and chicken with a lemon wedge.  I looked at it for a minute and took a bite. (Yeah I like food) It was SOOO good. My colleague had been so kind as to bring me lunch.  He told me it was a Filipino noodle called Pancit (New Thing!) and I had to pour lemon on it.  WOW! It was yummy. (Since I do like food, I am on weight watchers.. I think I'll be a life time member without actually hitting life time :D)

So far, everyday has brought some surprise.  I think it is more eye opening because now I'm looking for it.  I'm looking for new things I do daily. It has been a blessing and an eye opening journey just 4 days in.  I wake up in the morning and don't always want to write, but wow, it has impacted me. It  brings back a flood of joy, even if the day wasn't so joyful.  I have your diaries right next to my computer so I can do a quick glance to find something inspiring. I always do.

Until tomorrow's journey.. make your day a great one!

Day 4, Plotting my day.

April 19, 1989

"I'm so excited, I was accepted into the National Honor Society, I'm so excited! My friend didn't make it, she wasn't happy for me, but I'm ecstatic!"

Dear Jennifer,

You are going to laugh, I walked out to my car yesterday morning and it said "Low tire pressure".  Naturally, I reached for my phone to call either my husband, who was sleeping, or my dad, who was 3 miles away.  I didn't do either, I got in the car, took it to the air pump and checked all my tires. Sure enough, the front two were low.  Now don't judge me, as anything "auto mechanicy" or "car issuey" I don't like messing with. That was your forte, but air in the tires, I can do that.  Believe it or not, it was the first time in my 20 years of driving that I have ever put air in my tires.  (New thing!)  I did call my husband after I put the air hose back and it kept hissing at me, he told me that it would shut down on its own.  What I love about him is he doesn't laugh at me when I try new things that he has already done, he is a pretty patient guy.

I walked into my classroom today and hung all my degrees. I've never hung my degrees.  Right next to a picture of you and I, I hung your Aerospace Engineering Degree. I made sure mine had bigger frames, though, just saying. (New Thing!)

Then on to my most favorite thing of the day.  I had a mentor teacher come in and teach all my students how to use a graphing calculator.  I was so excited. (Hence, the diary statement above and the excitement over NHS. When I was 16, it was a miracle if I passed a class). I had been teaching Line of best fit and my mentor teacher came in showed it on the TI-84. It was so much fun to hear the kids; "WOW!, WHOA!" "WAIT! I did something wrong!"  (that's my favorite because then I know they are engaged.).  I really need to buy a class set of these.  I was never taught how to use a graphing calculator in high school or college.  Now I use a cool program by Dan Meyers (my math crush!) desmos.com.  Jenny, you would have lost your ever loving mind if you had this back in middle school and high school.

I continued to give O F's yesterday.  Can I tell you it is tougher when it is the next day and it is the background of your mind.  I started letting negative comments seep in and I accepted them instead of rejected them.  No good, it feels icky and I don't like it.  So my goal is to go back to my O F's as the front of my day and speak using only my personal mission statement.

Day 4 down, still unsure what day 5 will bring.  Now that I am more aware, I am finding I do new things daily.  Mom reminds me that new things don't always have to be exciting and life changing.  I think that is a good reminder, I always want something so positively (notice the word positively) life changing.  I think if that happened everyday it would probably be pretty exhausting.

Until tomorrow....
 
  

Day 3 - 0FG

May 22, 1989

Dear Diary,

"I was running a temp, I really didn't feel like going. I feel really bad because I said I would take her but I didn't want to go."

Dear Jennifer,

Yesterday, mom gave me something to try that was new.  She asked me to take one day, and not care what people say or do and just trust my gut and instinct.  Going through your journals I noticed there is one thing you and I seriously had in common, we always worried what people thought of us. If someone was mad, we thought it was because of us.  If someone had a bad day, it was because we must have done something.

Mom specifically stated, Give 0 Fs.  So I wrote that down. It was funny, I intentionally wrote down my personal mission statement so that I could focus on that alone.  I didn't stray from it, I was kind and spoke with love, but I didn't let anything bother me.

The minute I started caring about something and worrying, I went back and looked at my phone which had the note 0FG.  I immediately let it drop and didn't worry about anything else but myself and if I was following my personal mission statement. It was very exhilarating.  I have always admired people that could do it, you feel free of worry and you stand a little taller.

I did the mind mapping with my students yesterday. We have 7 habits classes and they loved the mind mapping.   We discussed goals we want to achieve and why we need to stop worrying about what others think of us.  We discussed how much less of stress it would be.  I wonder if things would have been different growing up if we worried less of what people thought of us? We had a pretty amazing childhood, I think Jen worried more than I did.

I came home in a happier mood. I was able to talk to my husband and say I had a great day, instead of the usual, I'm fine.  I was probably the most exhausted I've ever been, so I went to bed and let my husband put the kids to bed.

Today I will require the same of myself. 0 Fs to G today. Be my best self, and worry less what others say. 

I am curious though, I haven't thought of something new for today, so I'm curious how it will play out.

Day 2- Mind Mapping

March 5, 1989

"You are talking to a changed woman, I am going to start exercising, and I am going to start eating right. Nothing brought this about, I just want to change, I just want to look good."


Dear Jennifer,

Isn't it funny how the same struggles one has, many others have as well?  It was so funny to me that you would write this, growing up I always thought you were so skinny and  even though you had health issues, you always looked good. I think it is because you constantly wore a smile on your face, even when you weren't feeling so well.

I wanted to journal this today, because on Day 2 my new thing consisted of Mind Mapping.  You see, I took this challenge to change one thing in my life everyday and try something new.  I want to leave this world knowing that I did as much as I could on my amazing journey called life. (On a budget of course, I do have a family to raise!) I needed ideas so I took to google.

Good ol' google. Searches like: Things to try before you die, 100 Things to do In life, 100 things to do on a budget, 100 things to do when you really want to change your life but absolutely don't have the budget to fly anywhere...

It was kind of sad when I got to the last search as my daughter was playing saxophone during this time, and bless her, but her "C" sounds like a dying moose and the "A" sounds like a cat that is trying to find its food. It all fit when I saw everyone else's bucket lists. So I wished I could fly away during that time and retire my daughter's saxophone at the same time.  I heard mild screams of frustrations behind her closed door as the moose was dying for the 10th time. However, after searching for ear plugs, (Thank god Patrick worked in a club.)  I found mind mapping in my endeavors.

Now for us teachers, this is the same thing as a bubble map, only much prettier.  I don't know what it is about being a teacher and wanting to have an organized map, but its pretty awesome.  You start in the middle with an idea and then go with it, it almost looks like a brain when you are done.

Jenny, just like you, I have focused on weight, all my freaking life. I'm tired of being consciously aware of what goes in my mouth and what doesn't, i'm tired of hating exercise, honestly, I'm tired of being miserable. When you passed away you were very thin, but that is not what people remember you by. I think the importance of being healthy as opposed to focusing on weight is more important. Health hits your mental, physical, and emotional well being.

But, (Don't tell my mom I started a sentence with a conjunction, I'm a math teacher, not an English teacher.) instead of "HEALTH" in the middle, I wrote "Happy" and here is what my mind mapping starts.  You have the idea of happy, and it spreads. What makes you happy? I discussed my 7 habits, as at our school we focus on the 7 habits and I try to carry it home with me. I focused on my family, health, mental health, and having fun.  I noticed after doing this, I wrote "Have Fun" and "goals" twice. Must be some importance there.

 

I also went ahead and wrote my personal mission statement.  I didn't draw enough pictures, apparently, and I have to study this better, you want to use as much color and pictures as you can.  I used my handy dandy google, and googled how to do mind mapping. There are some great resources, and too many to list on here.

So, Jenny, fellow followers, that was day 2 of learning something new.  It is a start for me to figure out how to try new things but continue to stay happy, you will notice "blog ideas" is in there somewhere.

Day 3 will be interesting, as my mom asked me to try something I've never done before. I'm nervous but I am going to do it. I'll write about it tomorrow.

As for today, please make it a gift and love the heck out of it.

The Beginning - 365 Days of Change

January 1, 1990

"Well hello, you are much nicer than my other diary...."

Dear Jennifer,

Where do I start? 18 years ago you left this planet and I thought I could hold it together.

Mom and dad have decided to live their life to the fullest.  A beautiful new red truck sits in their driveway ready to haul a massive 5th wheel, but only after they sell their house.  That is what starts our adventure and the importance of my blog.  Mom called me up and asked if I would go through a few boxes.  I immediately, being the doting child that I am, told her I would help her.... next week. (I never said I was fast.)  Next week, of course, didn't fly with my mom and it moved up to Saturday, November 12th.

The first box I opened was like Christmas.  I knew that I had put my wedding gifts somewhere! I just didn't realize I had stored them at my parents, for almost eleven years.  I kept telling Patrick I knew we had towels somewhere, I didn't think I was crazy.

I'm a proud new owner of - Spatulas, Pyrex bowls, a mixer, towels, and a cape cod bottle of sand. SCORE!

The second box was more gifts, and my engagement photo signed by everyone who attended my wedding.  Including a friend of ours who had died two-three months after our wedding. He was young, too.

Finally, I eyed the boxes in the corner. "Jennifer"  was written on the top.  I pointed to the boxes and told my mom, "Let's go through them."

Cobwebs clung to them, and I admittedly screamed like a little girl.  My mother shook her head and informed me I act like my ten year old daughter.  Wrinkling my nose,  I opened the first box.  It was a bunch of old papers, but also her final research paper from CU Boulder.  She had talked about Piezo's and some physics, and some math that went far above my 8th grade math teaching head.  I looked through it quickly and put it down. I had felt I was transferred to the land of physics and I was NOT welcome.

The rest of the boxes had college pictures, trinkets, and all her aerodynamic books, which apparently I'm a proud owner of too, since I couldn't bring myself to toss them. I like to reason with myself. "Oh man, I have a friend who teaches aerodynamics, they could really use this." The truth is, it will probably look like this.

"Hey! I found some books on aerodynamics."
"Uhm, thanks?"
"Yep! They were my sister's i'm sure they could really help you. Don't mind that they were published back in the 90s.. I don't think aerodynamics has changed too much."

They don't want it, but see, people are afraid to hurt my feelings because, well, I cry at the drop of  a hat. Yep, I'm one of those. Stay clear.

The last box we went though, even though there was more, held 3 little diaries.  I was shocked, my mom picked one up and started reading it. Last time she found a diary, she couldn't bring herself to read it. I snatched it from her hand and stated proudly, "Uhm, I can! I'm sure I've broken into many of her diaries as a kid."  The day we went through those boxes, is a day I won't forget, but did start me on thinking about a journey. That was before I met Pat, about 13 years ago on a January 1st, mom felt we needed to do house cleaning. I felt she was WRONG.

Going back to the three diaries.  My mom and I started reading pages together while my dad helped load his truck with boxes of wedding gifts, (hallelujah!) all my Christopher Pike and RL Stein books, and the aerodynamic books, which I'm sure i'm going to use.  Our voices would break occasionally, as we would laugh and remember the good times we had.

Jenny, you never wrote anything mean. You were sick all your life, and you did NOT write one mean thing about anyone, anything or your situation.  People would call you too nice, too naive, but the truth is I don't think you had a mean bone in your body, if there was the opposite of the Grinch, a kid who was nicer than Cindy Lou Who or Pollyanna, you were her.

There was one that you wrote about how much you loved mom and dad, and we all just cried.  Eighteen years have passed and people tell you time heals. They are full of shit. They have never lost anyone like you.

I called my husband when I got in the car, and started with.
"Please forgive me."  he asked Why, and I informed him we have inherited all my sisters crap.  He just opened the garage and started finding spots for it.  He was excited over our wedding gifts though!

I took your three diaries and started reading them, two hours went by, a million tears, a lot of laughing and my son pulled on my shirt.

"Mom, you and I are supposed to have a lunch date."  Ah! That's right.  We got in my husband's truck and drove to CiCi's.  That's his favorite.  I started thinking of the diaries as my son watched Powerpuff Girls and scarfed his many flavored pizzas.

Life is short.

I want to be a writer.  I've always wanted to be a young adult writer. I used to write all the time, get my husband into my stories. Look at it the next day and hit the delete button. I never felt my writing was good enough.  I decided I need to start somewhere again. Only this time, I need accountability.

Life is short, Jenny's life was 25 years.  The average female life span is what, 79 years old?  Friends of ours have passed in their 30's and 40's.

I have decided for 365 days, I will try one new thing a day.  The diaries made that significant of a difference. Live to be the person I want to become, and try new things, I only get one shot, right?

I called my mom on the phone and told her my idea. She was supportive as always. I have the most supportive parents. I was the "Arts" daughter. I was the one who colored outside the lines, the one who took 10 years to get 1 degree because I loved college, the one who never did anything the right way and always found another way to see something.  I was/am weird.

My son and I got home and I opened the door and saw my abacus lying on the floor. Christian, my kiddo, looked at me frustrated. "Can this thing help with division?" I nodded my head. You see even though I'm an arts person, I went and got my Masters in Mathematics Education. I wanted to understand why math didn't come easy to me nor other kids.  I ended up getting my answer and falling in love with the art side of math, the patterns, the beauty of numbers.

I sat down with Christian on youtube and we figured out how to use an abacus together.  My 8 year old went from not understanding how to do 12 divided by 3 to doing 365 divided by 5.  He figured it out and we spent an hour learning how to do it just right.  I sent my mom the video of him doing it.  She replied with "Well, there is your first thing you learned. Day 1 is down."  (Told you she was super supportive)

Day 1.  Learned how to divide on an abacus.

So Jennifer, if you are somewhere in the universe watching my journey, and anyone else who has stumbled on to this journey of mine,  know that life might be short, but taking it one day at a time, and knowing not what tomorrow will bring, but looking forward to the adventure, makes everyday something to treasure.

Day 1 down. Curious as to see what Day 2 brings. <3